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My Husband Told Me That He’s Sexually Attracted to Another Woman – Tips and Advice That May Help
I received an email over the weekend from a distraught woman who said her husband had admitted to being sexually attracted to a co-worker. The husband swore that nothing happened between them. It is said that there was no sex and no physical contact, but the husband was guilty of the attraction and wanted to tell his wife about it. The wife, for her part, had no idea how she was supposed to react or deal with it. Should she be grateful he told her? Could she believe that nothing was happening? Should she ban him from seeing this woman? Should I be angry? Was this the same as cheating? I will tell you what I told her in the next article.
If your husband is telling you about his attraction to someone else before an affair has happened, this is a positive thing:I can’t tell you how many women write to me AFTER an affair has already happened and wish the husband had told him about his feelings before anything happened (when they could actually do something about it.) Often after the cat out on the bag, it’s too late.
So, as much as it hurts right now, I can promise you that this is better than being told about it after the fact. You get a very valuable heads-up that can allow you to prevent a huge amount of damage. Yes, I know it hurts. Yes, I know you probably still feel pretty betrayed and angry. This is completely understandable, but you should also appreciate that your husband was willing to be honest with you, however difficult and risky it was for him. The truth is that he could influence this sexual attraction without saying a word. Many men do this without thinking. The fact that he came to you first shows that he wants to make things right before he turns a corner that could change the landscape of your marriage.
How to handle it when your husband tells you he is attracted to someone else:Hopefully by now you can see that there are some positives to this. But the question remains, what should you do now? You can’t just ignore that. If it was just a little thing that would go away on its own, your husband wouldn’t be risking what he is by telling you. He clearly thinks this is serious enough to draw your attention to him. This situation needs to be taken seriously and dealt with very quickly.
First, you need to ask your husband for clarification. Without chasing or getting hysterical, you should ask for more details. Since when had he felt this way? How does she answer him? Have they been together without other people? Is there mutual flirting? Did she turn to him for something more? You need to know if he has feelings that are reciprocated.
Now it is very important to be very aware of how you react when he answers these questions. Because if you answer with anger or faster questions, he will know that he cannot be honest with you, because if he is honest, he will only get a negative reaction. So he will learn to shut up and hide things from you. You can’t have that. You need to keep communication open so you can monitor this situation.
The best way to protect your husband from her: Women often ask me if they should forbid their husbands from seeing the other woman. Actually, you should leave that up to him. Your best bet is to make him happy and fulfilled at home so he’s motivated to stay away from her. Basically, you should let him know that you want to focus on rebuilding and strengthening your marriage. Tell him that in order to do this, he can no longer have contact with her. It will be impossible or very difficult for you to keep his attention and commitment if you always have to worry about her.
It is important that he receives some reward for telling you the truth so that he is encouraged to keep communication open. Try to be receptive, optimistic, and committed to improving your marriage. If he sees that his situation is improving by being honest and open with you, he will continue to put your marriage and you first. You need to do your part by allowing him to be honest about what is causing him to look elsewhere and then immediately address and correct the issues.
The bottom line is that it’s never fun to hear that your husband is attracted to someone else. But him telling you about it before anything actually happens actually shows his commitment and loyalty to you. This is actually a very positive thing. Many women don’t have that luxury, so take advantage of it and strengthen your marriage so you never have to worry about that woman again.
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