How Old Does My.Dog Have To Be To Be Fixed Why We Love Hurtful People – How To Fix A Broken Picker

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Why We Love Hurtful People – How To Fix A Broken Picker

Earlier you discovered why you keep choosing romantic partners who hurt you. Now discover how to fix a broken picker and attract a happy, healthy love relationship in highlights from my A Lasting Love radio interview with Ross Rosenberg.

He is a veteran psychotherapist and author of the new book The Human Magnet Syndrome – Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.

Hadley: Let’s help singles who want to stop attracting partners who hurt them.

Ross: If you have a broken heart and need help choosing a great partner, think about what it is about yourself that helps you find mental health in love. Find out what it is about you that keeps attracting the wrong person who will hurt you.

H: It’s a good idea to examine your 11-point self-orientation scale and see where the romantic partner’s personality traits match your own. Do you attract an opposite personality who is emotionally healthy or dysfunctional?

I would like to clarify that we are not talking about a desire for common core values ​​in a partner, which is good, like a desire to start a family or a desire to honor marriage vows. We are talking about opposite emotional traits, not values.

R: What is similar is important. As much as opposites attract through an unconscious force of attraction, what you value will attract someone with those values. Yet the glue that binds relationships together is the unconscious forces that attract emotional opposites.

Hadley: So it’s good to do some self-reflection to be aware of your driving forces that have been with you since childhood that can sabotage adult relationships. What if you’ve done that emotional work? What if you have healed old traumas and have no childhood issues to resolve? You’re not saying that healthy, happy people can’t attract a passionate, healthy love relationship?

Ross: I’m not saying that. The opposite dysfunctionals (narcissists and codependents) are at the far end of the continuum on my 11-point self-orientation scale. As you get fitter and fitter, you move towards the center of this continuum. We all fit into it somewhere. We are all oriented more toward meeting the needs of others or our own, and this is not necessarily dysfunctional.

So healthy people fit in the center of the scale. Many healthy people like to be caretakers – therapists, doctors, nurses, radio hosts. People who like to take care of others will be attracted to people who focus on their own needs.

So two healthy people who have matching opposite self-orientations will be attracted. For example, I build a consulting business, write books, travel for work. My wife is the perfect match because she takes good care of me and our son, not in an unhealthy co-dependent way. We wouldn’t be a good couple if she was also building a business, writing books and traveling.

When we met, we fell in love because there was an unconscious dynamic that was perfectly matched.

Hadley: Why do some couples get stuck in intense infatuation that never leads to lasting love?

Get the answers in the following highlights from my radio conversation with Ross Rosenberg about A Lasting Love.

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