How To Fix Cum To Where You Can.Have A Baby Male Sexuality: Feeling Trapped

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Male Sexuality: Feeling Trapped

It’s not uncommon for men to feel trapped in their own lives, especially when it comes to identifying or discovering new aspects of their sexuality. And getting out of the trap may not always be easy, especially if your spouse isn’t open to it. Simply because getting out of the trap—which is not (although it’s often defined as) the same thing as a midlife crisis—can lead to some drastic changes in your life. Actually, for both of you.

The most striking example is the situation in which a married man “suddenly” discovers that he is either gay or bisexual. This is neither sudden nor a discovery, but in fact the men in question make room in his head for other, new ideas that he may have suppressed (consciously or not) for a long time. And this doesn’t exactly happen in the area of ​​sexual inclinations – but also in other sexually related areas, such as discovering or identifying BDSM-emotions, cross-dressing, or simply discovering that there are other women and that there can be a place in your life (and heart) for more than one.

This “life trap” – which is very typically MALE – is something that has not yet attracted much attention. However, it is fair to say that this can be compared to the situation of a woman who, after raising children, wants to return to an active economic or social life and finds that she is very behind in development and may not be able to do whatever she actually wants as a result of previous life choices (this has as little to do with menopause as the male trap has to do with midlife crisis, although all of these events can happen more or less in same period in your life). Both men and women will not be able to escape the trap without dramatic choices in their lives.

It doesn’t always have to be dramatic – it largely depends on your personal situation. Many people “escape” the trap as a result of other changes in their lives, such as finding a new role and destiny in life despite being a grandparent, or choosing the study you always wanted to do, or career changes. which – especially for men – are likely to happen between 40 and 50. If you qualify for a senior management or board position, it will be around that age. For others, however, this will be a problem, especially if the trap is either directly related to your sexuality or has a major impact on it.

The strong firewall

From a male perspective – which is what we’re talking about here – the first thing you’re likely to run into is the HUGE defensive wall your partner will put up, especially when the “trap” has sexual implications. Most men, even when trying to discuss such topics, will have heard the “I’m not good enough” argument at some point – and often more than once. In many cases, that and the sound of the front door slamming will also be the last thing they hear because that’s where the relationship ends.

While men feel that he is (trying to be) honest with himself, his partner will feel betrayed and often “thrown out”, and communication is difficult, if not completely impossible – for a long time and possibly forever. And since the “trap” is not something that has been identified very well so far, finding help or solutions is almost impossible. The two of you will have to make it on your own one way or another.

This is the time when “affairs” start to happen or when “the Internet” enters – secret virtual meetings in chat rooms, in Internet clubs and many other forums. No, we stress it again, THIS IS NOT A MID-LIFE CRISIS! You feel trapped by your own choices, which may not always have been your own, and it has nothing to do with hormonal changes or the fact that you’re losing your hair or your manhood—although all of these can happen at the same time. Most men’s lives are simply a long chain of trade-offs and choices that were right at the time, but that may backfire later. Career choice, partner choice, financial choice and many more. His primary responsibility – self-imposed as a result of social programming – has always been to earn money, build and – even more importantly – support his family, and now that he’s done everything he feels, he’s lost old friends and is missed opportunities and discovers that there is more to life than a career, financial security and a family to support. His first girlfriend starts chasing his dreams again, along with old ideas, fishing or hiking trips, the good old sports days and often (if there is such a past) “happy days with his army buddies”). All this, of course, in a happy and rosy-red perspective.

Look for anchor points

What it does is look for anchor points. A combination of three – very important – things:

1. (re)verification of his choice

2. opens up new possibilities

3. (re)discovering oneself

And while he feels alone (since probably no one will (re)assure him when it comes to his life choices), he feels trapped by the situation he finds himself in – unable to leave his relationship (because AND BOTH cannot without severe consequences and probably does not want to), unable to leave his career (again due to serious personal and economic consequences and probably not only to himself), physically unable to choose the things he used to do (because he is unable ) and unable to make room for himself (due to the many social, economic and family obligations AND the firewall).

So what should I do? He will look for footholds. In the end, he probably WILL make a place for himself and for him that neither feels like a betrayal nor a weakness. In fact, it is very likely that he will feel this as an important achievement (in other words, the “room” may be cheating on his wife, but it does not feel like cheating, but as a deserved personal space).

There is no point – if the “trap” is sexually related, in any way – to come up with solutions such as: take up a hobby, get an education or go out for a beer with your friends. And he’s not exactly Al Bundy either. He feels trapped and wants himself and the trap(s) taken seriously, quite often regardless of the consequences (in other words: divorce).

The long and painful road

But it gets worse. The trap itself will become a trap. Hardly any man WANTS a divorce because it goes against everything he’s been taught, everything he’s been implanted with, and as a result everything he (thinks he) stands for. For the majority of men, divorce is equal to (self) betrayal. So now, when he identifies the fact that he feels trapped and tries to find a way out, or at least to discuss it and find understanding, the trap itself becomes a new, additional trap.

The only way out – except for drastic methods like divorce – is a long and painful process of communication. A process that is painful and difficult for both partners – but also inevitable. If he feels trapped, there will be pain (either the pain of divorce, the pain of a drastic career change, or the pain of communication itself). There is no way to avoid it – if the trap is there: face it!

Any general tips? No, not much – except perhaps the suggestion that the situation of an individual, always long-lasting, happy couple is probably not for everyone. In fact, modern divorce statistics show that the “happily ever afters” are actually a minority and may soon be reduced to the “happy few”. On top of that, many aspects of modern society (technological change, economic rat race, dual-income families, information overflow, and the like) only come on top of that and the 1960s slogan “Stop the world, I want you down” is probably more accurate than ever.

At the same time: the “traditional relationship” (which isn’t really that “traditional” at all, just an invention that’s only 100 years old) is rapidly being replaced by multiple relationships: gay, lesbian, non-married couples, poly-armed, living groups, intentional singles, whatever. Which means that when it comes to the view of what a “relationship” should be, it’s probably (rather quickly) changing. Some sociologists even argue that baby boomers and former hippies are only now beginning to form the kind of relationships that were envisioned in the 1960s and 1970s. Only history will tell if they are right or wrong. The fact is, there are changes, and if you’re feeling trapped, you probably need to do something about it.

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